“When are you going to put dal rice?” is a polite way of saying “Enjoying single life eh? Enough of that and get hitched soon.” Every single on this earth has his/her own way of decently dismissing this question. This kid will show you the heights of it!
I always wanted to ask- why is dal rice associated to Kalyanam in South India? As if we’re eating just dal with rice at any wedding reception. Marriages are made in heaven because they are never down to earth (note: this line is copied). I will certainly rant about it later but not in this post. Typical vindu today is a large buffet with North indian/South Indian/Chinese/Road side cuisines. Do not think of what the last one means. Road side cuisine is pani puri/sev puri. This is how some elders disgrace the divine taste.
Get the following operations done when eating the wedding food and be sure you have made full justice to your attendance to the event:
- Mission1: Take one big plate with an expression as if eating food is the last thing you want to do. You needn’t show that you’re drooling on the aroma of pani puri/veg manchurian . You might have to push others who are standing in front to grab a spoon/fork. If you don’t have experience, try practicing the same by buying tickets in a crowded bus. (Hint: Take 216K at Mehdipatnam and get down at Nanalnagar.)
- Mission2: If you’re that type who eats carrots/keera or such grass in occasions like this, please close this page immediately. Also inbox me your name, I shall unfriend you on Facebook.
- Mission3: Look for the counter which is less crowded. Fruits section will be one of such kind. Don’t go there. There is time yet.
- Mission4: I know how hard it is to stand in front of roti and sabzi section with an empty plate in hand when the aunty next to you is devouring rumali roti with kadai panneer. So do not hesitate to barge into the group. Most of them stand at the counter itself so that they don’t have to come back again for the second serving. No harm in harming such people. They deserve it.
- Mission5: Someone who is a Hyderabadi at heart will not require a separate invitation to the biryani counter. And hardly it ever matches his/her expectations. So adjust madi. Also, do not dream of having it with both mirchi ka salan and raitha. Too much only!
- Mission impossible: With a plate as colorful as a rangoli, you will search for a chair to sit down and eat it in peace. I BET you won’t find such one in the hall. The one in the corner will definitely be empty, so be sure it has a broken leg. If at all your stars are lucky, you will find one chair to sit on for which you will fight with your friend. Eventually an elderly aunty will come by and look at you with contempt. You will have to sacrifice it for her.
- Mission7: There are three types of eaters in this world. First kind eat till their stomach is full and do not even think of food once it is full. If you’re of this kind, you can skip this. Second kind want to eat everything edible under the sun and will always have a small corner in their paunch to accommodate the new variety. Third kind are brain eaters. I must admit I fall into the last two categories. God blessed me with two-three friends who are exactly of my kind and we generally grace each and every section with a big grin on our faces. Mission7 is to put the “I was here” mark on every section.
- Mission8: Desserts need not always be chocolate brownies or caramel custards or Tiramisu. ( I wish I could attend weddings which serve these as desserts, tchhh). Grab your favorite mithai and relish it without complaints. In case you want more, you can always point to the uncle who is standing very far from you and say it is for him.
- Mission9: All pan lovers, this is your day. Eat as many as you can(want). No one really cares. I am the one who always fights for the cherry and the toothpick which comes with the pan. I can always be a helping hand for any body who wants to eat more than one.
- Mission10: Have some shame and go congratulate the couple who got/are getting married 😀
PS: When you read this post the next time, make sure you read mission10 first.